


Josh the Lieutenant and the Millicent Misunderstanding

by FemaleSpock



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Hux is a Tease, Jealousy, M/M, Secret Identity Fail, kylo ren is socially awkward, phasma is the best wingwoman, tastelessly named cocktails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 16:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6058992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FemaleSpock/pseuds/FemaleSpock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo overhears Hux talking about Millicent and gets the wrong end of the stick. So move over Matt, Kylo's got a new secret identity and he's going to find out everything he possibly can about Hux's girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Josh the Lieutenant and the Millicent Misunderstanding

It had been a perfectly ordinary work day on the bridge of the Finalizer until Phasma opened her big mouth. 

 

“So, how’s Millicent?” Captain Phasma asked, looking at Hux knowingly. 

 

Kylo, who was stood just within eavesdropping distance, frowned beneath his mask: who was Millicent? He didn’t know anyone called Millicent on the Finalizer.

 

“Keep your voice down,” Hux hissed. “Anyone might hear.”

 

Now Kylo’s suspicion was well and truly aroused. Why was Hux so anxious to keep this Millicent person a secret? Could it be that he had a girlfriend he didn’t want anyone knowing about? Kylo shook his head. No way. The General was way too dedicated to the cause to have a girlfriend. There had to be some other explanation.

 

“Is something wrong, sir?” a young lieutenant asked.

 

Kylo kicked himself internally. The mask hid his facial expressions, sure, but they didn’t stop people from picking up on gestures. “Nothing! Get back to work.”

 

He was just going to have to investigate this another time. It was all in the interest of running an efficient ship; he couldn’t have the General getting distracted by pointless romance. 

 

* * *

 

 

He’d long been aware of the fact that General Hux and Captain Phasma liked to visit the officer’s bar on a Friday evening but he’d never deigned to actually join them. The problem with bars was you had to take your helmet off to actually drink anything and it was generally considered rude to just sit there in the corner without actually buying anything (not that anyone could do anything about it if they did have objections). But in aid of solving a mystery, he was just going to have to suck it up and go.

 

He supposed he could go in disguise. It would probably make it easier to spy on Hux and he _did_ still have his Matt the Radar Technician outfit left over from when he’d decided to spy on all his employees. But no, that wouldn’t work – Matt wasn’t an officer. He was just going to have to come up with a new disguise. Well, it wouldn't be too hard. Snoke had given him extensive training in undercover operations after all…

 

* * *

 

 

“Hi, I’m Josh, I’m a Lieutenant,” he announced as he entered the bar, talking to no-one in particular.

 

Some people turned to look at him with mild curiosity, before turning back to their drinks. Excellent. He had established character and no-one suspected a thing. He paused, considering what he should do next. He’d gotten there earlier than Hux and Phasma so that wouldn’t miss anything they said. He milled around for a while, looking at all the officers engrossed in conversation - he certainly wasn’t going to lower himself to talk to any of them.

 

Right, he was at a bar. He should probably go get a drink. He walked over and stood there, waiting for the droid to notice him. The droid just stood there wiping the counter. He gave a loud cough. The droid continued to ignore him.

 

“Excuse me!” he yelled. He was Kylo Ren – how dare this droid have the nerve to disrespect him! Even if he was in disguise, he expected better service than this. 

 

The droid looked at him for the first time since he had arrived. “You are not a registered officer. I cannot serve you.”

 

“I AM an officer. I’m Lieutenant Josh. See, it says here on the name tag.” He pointed to his chest.

 

The droid did not look impressed. True, it didn’t have the capacity for facial expressions but its expressionless face seemed to be mocking Kylo specifically.

 

“Look here!” he started.

 

“Serve him a drink. I’ll authorise it.”

 

Kylo spun around to find himself confronted by the sight of General Hux.

 

“General!” he exclaimed.

 

“What are you having?” Hux asked, smoothly.

 

Kylo actually hadn’t thought that far in advance. He rarely drank – it tended to just end in waking up to find his entire room smashed up with no memory of having done so. “I’ll have um…”

 

A smirk tugged at the corner of Hux’s mouth. “Phasma and I will have the usual. This gentleman will have an Alderaan on the rocks.”

 

Kylo hadn’t heard of it before – an Alderaan on the rocks – but he was fairly certain that he mother would have killed him for even thinking about drinking such a thing. It was the perfect drink just on principle.

 

“Coming right up, sir,” the droid said, in far more courteous tones than he’d used with Kylo.

 

Hux turned to Kylo. “You know, I can’t say that I’ve ever seen you before, Lieutenant…” He squinted and read the name tag. “Josh. I make it a point to get to know all my staff and I certainly would have remembered a fellow redhead.”

 

Kylo fiddled with the long strands of his ginger wig. “I’m new. Just transferred.”

 

Hux crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Still, I would have thought that your records would have come through. I really don’t stand for this kind of inefficiency.”

 

Kylo grimaced. Was he caught out? Blood rushed to his face.

 

“I must have a word with administration about it,” Hux said, coolly.

 

He let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, right. You’d think that those guys would be able to do their jobs properly…”

 

“Your drinks are served, sir.” The robot put three drinks down on the counter: two glasses of what looked like scotch and a dark brown drink served in a very tall glass and topped off with a little paper umbrella that, on further inspection, was patterned to look like the Death Star.

 

Hux handed him the drink. “Well enjoy your night, Lieutenant. Perhaps I’ll run into you later.” He stopped and pulled an exceptionally smug face. “That is if you don’t run into me – what with you wearing those sunglasses indoors.”

 

Kylo pushed the sunglasses up by the bridge with one hand and took the somewhat embarrassing drink with the other.

 

Hux grabbed the other two glasses and strode off before Kylo could justify his attire. Kylo craned his neck to look at where he and Phasma were sat and scoped around for an open table somewhere close. The only tables open were the ones right next to Hux and Phasma. He supposed other officers were too intimidated to sit right by them and didn't want to face the possibility that they might be listening in to their conversations. Problem was it didn’t actually suit his purposes either. He didn’t want to make it so obvious that he was listening in on the conversation but what choice did he have?

 

He took a gulp of his tastelessly named and winced as the alcohol burned his throat. He wandered over and sat himself down on the table to the left of Hux. He pulled out a datapad to pretend to read. There. Nothing suspicious about a guy just reading his datapad whilst ‘enjoying’ a cocktail or two.

 

“Who was that by the bar?” Phasma asked, taking a mischievous sip of scotch.

 

Hux laughed. “Lieutenant Josh, apparently,” he said, in a low voice.

 

Kylo stiffened. They were talking about _him_. He peered closer at the datapad, frantically pretending to scroll through messages.

 

Phasma raised an eyebrow. “I noticed you bought him a drink…”

 

Hux sighed. “His records haven’t come through yet and he was just standing there on his own. That’s all.”

 

"Awww, like a lost kitten," said Phasma, in mocking tones. 

 

 _Lost kitten!_ Kylo made a mental note to put Captain Phasma on garbage duty next time he had the chance. 

 

“Oh come on, you’ve been so stressed lately. A little fun might take your mind off it…” 

 

Kylo went bright Geonosis-red behind his datapad. Surely, she didn’t mean what he thought she meant. And what about this Millicent person? Was it an open relationship or was Hux just down for cheating? Or perhaps Phasma was just a bad influence. 

 

Hux sighed again but this time the sigh was deeper. “It’s just Millicent, you know. Lately she’s always in a bad mood and I just can’t figure out why.”

 

So Hux’s relationship – or whatever this was – was on the rocks. Kylo tried not to smile but he couldn’t help it. It sounded like this Millicent person was all wrong for Hux. He listened eagerly, hoping that Phasma would do the right thing and encourage Hux to break it off.

 

She disappointed him. Double garbage duty for her. “I’m sure everything is fine – it’ll pass in time.”

 

Hux took a gulp of scotch, finishing the glass. “I hope you’re right but she’s been with me for years and I’ve never seen her like this.”

 

He sounded so sad that Kylo felt a little pang of guilt for hoping the relationship would fall apart and that was really not acceptable because Kylo Ren did not have any feelings for General Hux beyond a general sense of loathing. He just wasn’t used to seeing Hux expressing any emotions beyond passion for his work or irritation (usually aimed at him, now that he came to think about it). He took a huge glug of his drink - hopefully that would banish any wayward feelings he might be having.

 

Phasma leaned over and gave Hux a pat on the shoulder. “I’ll go get another round of drinks in. You can even rant to me about Ren’s latest fuck-ups.”

 

“Don’t even get me started on Ren.” Hux stood up. “And I’ll get the drinks.”

 

Phasma shrugged. “Alright, it’s your credits you’re spending.”

 

Hux came back shortly with two more glasses of scotch. He and Phasma clinked them together and took sips, savouring the taste.

 

A couple of minutes later, the droid waiter wandered over to Kylo’s table and slammed a drink down on the counter. It was different to the last one – bright orange and served in a twisty glass.

 

“Enjoy,” the droid said, though it sounded like he meant exactly the opposite. Damn, he was sick of this droid and its attitude.

 

He looked at the drink in bafflement. “I didn’t order this.”

 

The robot somehow looked like it was trying not to sigh. “It’s from the General.”

 

Kylo ventured a small glance sideways and abruptly looked away as Hux caught his eye.

 

“It matches your hair,” Hux commented, with a wicked grin.

 

“And yours,” he managed. He desperately tried to ignore the sound of Phasma laughing softly to herself.

 

“Mine’s not quite that bright,” Hux corrected. “In fact, I wasn’t aware hair naturally grew that colour on humans.”

 

He sucked up some of the orange liquid through a straw and tried his best not to choke on the sugary taste. “What’s this drink called then?”

 

“Dead Sunset,” Hux pronounced. “The name doesn’t quite make sense but it was invented in celebration of the completion of the Starkiller base.”

 

“Err, right, well…thanks.” The word stuck in his mouth a little.

 

“Enjoy.” Hux turned back to Phasma and started asking her questions about the latest modifications she had made to her armour.

 

That conversation seemed to go on forever - it wasn’t relevant to his purposes and it was boring as hell. He wished desperately that he could interrupt and change the topic but all he could do was just sit there, reading a datapad and choking down the awful orange concoction.

 

“I’m going to the bar this time,” Phasma eventually announced. “No arguments.”

 

 “Fine.” He jotted something down on a napkin and gave it to Phasma.

 

Phasma smirked. “All right, you’re the boss.”

 

Phasma came back shortly with one glass of scotch and a drink that started out pale yellow but blurred into an orangey-red colour towards the top. She set their drinks on the table and then pulled out a datapad.

 

“Damn. Looks like I’m needed elsewhere.” She stood up again.

 

“You can’t stay to finish your drink?” asked Hux.

 

“Guess you’ll just have to give it to someone else,” Phasma said, striding off.

 

“What is it on that datapad that has you so engrossed?” Hux asked, suddenly addressing him now that his companion had departed.

 

Kylo hastily pulled the datapad away from view. “I..It’s just…just a romance novel!” He kicked himself immediately for saying it – why had he said romance novel? He didn’t read romance novels. He hated romance novels. He hated romance.

 

Hux concealed a smile. “Romance novel, hmmm? What’s the plot about?”

 

“It’s about this guy and he has a girlfriend that he’s keeping secret from everyone and it’s clearly against the rules and she’s not even that great of a girlfriend anyway and there’s this other person who would so clearly be much better for him, not that that person likes him anyway,” Kylo blurted, suddenly realising that he might be a little bit tipsy.

 

“Sounds intriguing,” said Hux, without sincerity. “Listen, my friend had to leave her drink behind. I don’t suppose you would like it? It would be a shame to waste it.”

 

“Sure!”

 

Hux gestured towards the empty seat and Kylo wobbled over to the table. It really was hard to see through the dark-lenses of the sunglasses and the fog of the alcohol.

 

“I’m guessing you don’t know the name of this drink either, Josh?” Hux asked, looking at him with an amused expression.

 

“I don’t know that much about alcohol,” he mumbled. This evening was turning out to be one humiliation after another. He wished desperately that he could smash something but it would have given the game away. 

 

“Well, I’ll educate you. There are actually two names for this drink. ‘Sand and Lava’ is the official name.”

 

Kylo peered at the drink. With the colours, he could see why that might be so. “And the unofficial name?” He took a sip of the drink. It actually wasn’t too bad.

 

“The Anakin Skywalker.”

 

Kylo spluttered, almost spitting the drink out all over the table.

 

The General blinked innocently at him. “Don’t you like it?”

 

He forced himself to take another mouthful, apologising mentally to his grandfather as he did. “No, I do, I do. It just went down the wrong way.”

 

Hux muttered something about his gag reflex that Kylo couldn’t quite catch.

 

“So where did you transfer from Josh?” Hux asked, before Kylo had a chance to ask him to repeat the comment. 

 

Kylo grimaced. He hadn’t actually given much thought to his backstory and, implausible as it was, the name of every single other ship in the First Order seemed to have been completely wiped from his mind. He scrambled around desperately, trying to think of any name whatsoever. “The, erm, Death Star!”

 

Hux stared at him in disbelief. “The Death Star?”

 

“No, not the Death Star. That’s not what I meant,” he added, hastily. Why were words falling out of his mouth like this?

 

Hux gave him a long look, running his eyes slowly up and down Kylo’s face and torso. “I did think you looked a bit young for that.”

 

Kylo gave an awkward laugh and started to chug the drink to ward off follow-up questions.

 

Hux drained his drink and stood up. “Well, I had better be going. I look forward to having you work _under_ me.”

 

It only occurred to Kylo after Hux had left that maybe the General had been flirting with him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day was as normal as ever, except that Kylo spent the better part of the morning with a pounding headache. He was supposed to be on the bridge but he didn’t think he could get through the morning without smashing up the entire thing. His head hurt but the injury to his pride was worse. He’d gone to the bar for information and he’d come back with – well, very little but the hangover.

 

He tried to think of a new plan but thinking at all was hard. Going back to sleep seemed like the far better option.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The headache was gone by the time he woke up so he decided to visit the bridge. Maybe inspiration would strike him there.

 

As it happened, he arrived just as Hux was leaving.

 

“You’re leaving early,” Phasma commented, as Hux walked past.

 

“I’m going to check on Millicent,” he said.

 

“Alright, see you later.”

 

Kylo watched as Hux exited. His blood was boiling – it was all well and good Hux having his little secrets but now he was leaving his post for her? No. That simply wasn’t acceptable! He was going to have to put a stop to this right now.

 

He waited a few minutes then stomped out after Hux, bursting into his chambers without bothering to knock. He didn’t want to give Hux the time to hide her.

 

“What the hell, Ren?” Hux exclaimed. He was sat on his bed with a strange ball of fur on his lap.

 

He appeared to be alone.

 

“Where’s Millicent?” Kylo demanded, looking frantically around the room. He couldn't sense anyone else in the room either. “I don’t know what you were thinking but you can’t just leave the bridge just to deal with your love-life. Where’s your sense of professionalism? You don't even seem that happy with her!”

 

“My shift officially ended hours ago, I just did less overtime than usual, and given your own lateness I really don't think you have any right to criticise. Wait, love-life? What are you on about, Ren? This really is too much.”

 

The ball of fur on Hux’s lap squirmed and Kylo could see now that it was a cat.

 

Hux stroked at the cat to try and sooth it. “See, now you’ve gone and woken her up!”

 

“You have a cat?”

 

Hux gave him a baffled look. “Yes, Millicent. You asked about her when you came in?”

 

“Millicent is a cat.” Kylo felt abruptly foolish.

 

“Of course she is. What were _you_ thinking?”

 

“I, erm, nothing…”

 

Hux rolled his eyes. “Right. Well, if that’s all, could you kindly just leave me and Millie in peace?”

 

Kylo didn’t leave. Instead he took off his helmet, setting down on Hux’s desk.

 

Hux gave a sigh of pure exasperation. “What are you doing now?”

 

Kylo walked on over to where Hux was sat. “I heard you say you were worried about her.”

 

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

 

Kylo took off his glove and reached out to touch Millicent.

 

Hux grabbed his wrist. “Seriously, what are you doing?”

 

“If you’re really that worried, I’ll have a look in her mind to see if I can find out what’s wrong.”

 

“Alright,” Hux acquiesced, letting go of his grip on Kylo.

 

Kylo stroked Millicent’s head and probed with the Force. It took a few moments to get used to the cat’s mind: the arrangement of images was more random than that of any human.

 

He pulled out of her mind but didn’t take his hand away. Millicent rolled over and Kylo absently stroked her belly. She started to purr. “I’ve got it.”

 

“And?” Anxiety had crept into Hux’s tone despite himself.

 

“She’s actually fine – just lonely. She wishes you’d bring her home more friends to play with.”

 

“You’re making that up,” Hux accused.

 

Kylo shot Hux a smug grin. “She seems to like me.”

 

Hux pursed his lips. “I suppose there’s no accounting for taste.”

 

“I suppose I should probably come around to see her sometimes,” Kylo continued. “So she doesn’t get lonely all cooped up with just you for company.”

 

“Hopeless,” Hux pronounced.

 

“What?”

 

“You, making excuses to see me, bursting in here all jealous because you thought Millicent might be a secret girlfriend never mind that the logistics of that made absolutely no sense whatsoever.”

 

“That’s not exactly what I thought! And why would I make excuses to see you? I don’t even like you,” he babbled.

 

Hux smirked. “I see. Well, I was going to give you a reward for figuring out what was wrong with Millicent but I see now that I don’t have to bother.”

 

“What’s the reward?” Kylo asked, quickly.

 

“There’s really no point in telling you. You wouldn’t be interested anyway.”

 

Hux was playing with him like a cat played with a mouse but he would be damned if he wasn’t falling for it. “Please.”

 

Hux picked up Millicent and gently put her down on one of the cushions on his bed. “Close your eyes and I’ll give it to you. Don’t even think about trying to read my mind.”

 

Kylo wasn’t sure this wasn’t going to be just an elaborate trick. Hux crossed his arms and looked at him impatiently. Kylo gave in and closed his eyes.

 

He heard a slight creak, like bedsprings or something, then nothing. Time seemed to stretch out endlessly in the dark. Then, warm breath on his face. Then, the touch of a cold hand. Then, Hux’s lips on his. He stood there still for a moment, not quite believing that this was happening, before grasping Hux’s face with both hands, kissing him harder. Hux moved his other hand to Kylo’s waist and pulled their bodies closer. Heat radiated where they touched.

 

“I just have one question,” said Hux, pushing him away all of a sudden.

 

“What?” said Kylo, impatient to get back to kissing.

 

“Where did you get that hideous orange wig?”

 

Notes

Idk, I had the idea and I just had to do it. Also, I couldn't think of a better title. 

 

Please leave a comment; I really appreciate any feedback! :)

 


End file.
